Would you say that to your mother?

The Awful Phenomena of Black Men Who Denigrate Black Women

by/C.SMITH

 The Phenomena

There was a time when Black men or women dating White men or women was not an available or acceptable option. For many years in the US, it was actually illegal and often met with violence. Those days are gone, thankfully, and we are all free to date whomever we please. That’s a good thing. People should be able to choose a one-time date or a potential long-term mate based on more than a mutual skin tone or shared heritage. Dating outside one’s race becomes an issue, however, when one uses it as an excuse to date exclusively outside their race. It becomes a downright problem when one uses it as a platform to tear down members of their own race. Let’s examine the phenomena of black men who not only date white women, but who rip black women to shreds while doing so.

The Good

The good news is that we now have the freedom to date anyone of any race or nationality that we wish. Make it a point to be sensitive to your dating and relationship needs, and to those of your potential match. Communication is key in any good relationship, but in a relationship where black men date white women, they should be especially sensitive about the words they use to communicate their feelings about black women. This is particularly true since all black men were born from a black woman. Before you open your mouth to tear down black women, ask yourself if those words, thoughts, actions, and deeds are ones you’d want another man to attribute to your own mother.

The Bad

Have you ever seen a commercial for a product or brand that dogs their competitor? Sure, you have. We all have. Did it leave you feeling good about their product or bad about the competing product? It’s possible, even admirable, to talk positively about the nationality of the women you choose to date and still speak positively about the women you choose not to date. Instead of making nasty, mean-spirited sweeping generalizations about all black women as a whole, stop and think of whether every black woman in existence really fits that mold. Does your mother, sister, grandmother or aunt? Of course not. Every black woman you meet is different, unique and beautiful in her own way. Please take that into consideration. In addition, the last thing you should want to do as a black man is arm white women and men with ammunition against your own people.

The Ugly

Part of the ugly truth about black men who engage in this terrible practice is the harm that it does to black women, and even worse, to black girls. All girls of every race naturally look to their fathers for examples of how men are supposed to treat women. This is true even when their fathers are absent from their homes and from their lives. That absence can leave a lifelong mark on a young black girl, just as the presence of a loving father can. The concern here is that black girls will not see the natural beauty of their race, their hair, their heritage, their dialect, or their inner selves if the very men who are supposed to love them first and best, don’t appear to value those things.

The Hope

A line from The Shawshank Redemption says, “Hope is a good thing. It’s probably the best of things.” There isn’t a handbook for dating outside your race. If there were, the first thing it would say is to be respectful. Period. It’s possible for black men to date white women and still be respectful of black women. It’s also possible – important – not too lump all black women or all white women or all women, period, into any one stereotypical category. There is always the existence of hope that one day, you might find a black woman who meets your needs, whose needs you meet, and who can help you see beyond the limitation you’ve set on your dating life, and therefore your life.

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